An Update On Things...

So I have come to the conclusion that I basically stink at keeping up a blog. For the past two years, I have struggled with being disciplined enough to post anything of significant value multiple times a week. It's not that I don't have an opinion about a lot of things out there, it's just that I get so distracted by family stuff, delayed doctoral work, or mundane trivia on the internet that I never make time to blog much.  Anyway, I'm sitting here in my office watching a deluge out my window and thought I would start trying to put some stuff up here for the 2 of you that occasionally stop by here to see if I have posted anything only to be sorely disappointed:

Summer Travels
First, I just got back a little over a week ago from some busy traveling this summer.  My family and I spent 2 1/2 days being "house parents" for some orphans from Ukraine who were brought over here by Bridges of Faith ministry.  If you haven't checked out this ministry, you need to.  They are doing some great work trying to be the hands and feet of Jesus for some kids who desperately need it.  I know that several of the kids we stayed with are already in the process of being adopted by people here in the States that met them last month.  It was a great experience.

After that, my family and I drove all the way out to Houston for the Southern Baptist Convention.  Some asked me when I got back if I had a good "vacation".  My reply was, "If you think driving 14 hours with four kids for a three day Baptist business meeting is a 'vacation', then I would love for you to come with us next year."  However, we had a great time.  I hope to blog later about my experiences at the SBC and why my family and I like to go.

After a couple of weeks home, we were gone for two weeks to South Carolina.  First, we led a group from my church to Greenville, SC for the second year to do work with an organization called "Diligent Hands, Gracious Hearts".  If you are looking for a way to involve people in inner-city missions with multiple opportunities for a group, check them out.  Great week of ministry whenever we weren't dodging rain drops.  Then, my family and I headed from Greenville to Hilton Head for a week of vacation.  My sister-in-law lives in Hilton Head, so all my wife's family joined us there for a week at the beach.  All-in-all, we had a very good week mostly hanging out at the beach.  Hilton Head has great golf, but I couldn't fit my clubs in the Pilot with all the luggage for 6 people for two weeks.

Doctoral Work
I am trying hard to get my doctoral work finished.  Because I am a procrastinator, I have put off this work for far too long.  Ministry and family demands have kept me busy enough, but now I have to find the motivation to push forward to get it done.  I am in the process of developing lesson plans to teach my deacons on the subject of "helping deacons to be servant leaders."  I have had to read about 25 resources as part of my research.  I have also been carrying a large bin full of books, files, and papers around.  Pray for me to be disciplined to "get 'er done" over the next few weeks.  I hope to have the lesson plans developed soon to be able to start teaching soon after Labor Day.

Reading
Most of my reading has been limited to doctoral work this year.  However, once I finished my annotated bibliography, I was able to pick up some books I had set aside.  I will be posting a review here soon on "Faithmapping" by Daniel Montgomery and Mike Cosper.  Great book.  One of the best books I have read so far this year is "The Insanity of God" by Nik Ripken.  This is his encounter of over 20 years of working with the persecuted church around the world.  Warning: "If you read this book, it will shatter your perception of the current state of the church and cause you to be very frustrated with the shallowness and consumerism of the contemporary American church." However, if I had one book I wanted every friend of mine to read right now, "The Insanity of God" would be it.

There are a few updates for you if you happen to stop by.  I will try to keep some posts and thoughts up here soon.  Maybe I can give you some of the things I am learning about servant leadership as I am writing my lessons.

Go Red Sox!

Voddie Baucham's Personal Take on Abortion and Adoption

I have a deep respect for Voddie Baucham.  He is a man who has come out of some of the most extremely desperate circumstances in life.  He came to faith as a college student at Baylor.  Now, he is a bold defender of the gospel, skilled in apologetics, and a man who has become a voice for families and adoption.  This is an excellent video I found on the internet about him addressing several important topics.  If more supposed evangelicals thought like this man, our country would be much different.

Thoughts from Boston

Last week, my wife and I got to take a little "pre-anniversary" trip to Boston, MA.  2012 marks 15 years of marriage for Alison and me.  Our actual anniversary isn't until November, but we booked a couple of smaller trips this year instead of one big expensive trip.  It was a very refreshing time for both of us.  This is one of the few times since my oldest son Nathan was born that we both got away without kids and without an agenda.  Earlier this year, we talked and decided to go to Boston for several reasons.  One, my wife had never been to Fenway Park and by hanging out with me, she has become a pretty good Red Sox fan.  She has mentioned a couple of times the last 2-3 years that she wanted me one day to take her to a game there.  We also selected Boston because Alison had never been to it and I had only been once.  Alison loves to visit bigger cities that have lots of shopping and historical stuff.  So the combination of the city and the game made this a good choice for us.

Although the Red Sox are playing very bad baseball, this is a great time of year to visit Boston.  The weather was very nice. The universities are starting back, so there is a lot of bustle near Fenway.  We stayed at the Hotel Buckminster which is across the Mass Turnpike from Fenway Park. (The picture is actually the view from my hotel room.)  This is an old, historic hotel in downtown Boston.  This gave our visit a very historical feel.  There is a room in this hotel which is the room where the conversation began that resulted in the 1918 Black Sox scandal where the World Series was fixed.

Boston is a city with a tremendous historical and cultural heritage.  The streets of Boston are the site where much of the unrest developed and boiled over that resulted eventually in the American Revolution.  One day, Alison and I walked the "Freedom Trial" which is a 2.5 mile walk through the old parts of town where much of American history was made.  We visited the Old North Church where Paul Revere saw the lanterns that warned of British troop movements.  We visited the Boston Harbor, the Old State House, the sight of the Boston Massacre, Park Street Church, and a cemetery where Sam Adams, Paul Revere, and John Hancock are buried.  We also saw a tremendous amount of cultural diversity in the city.  Boston is a blend of many culture compacted in a small space.  There are areas where every restaurant is Italian and others that are dominated by Irish pubs.  There were several Muslims we passed tons of different cultural backgrounds that we rode with on the subway.  Here are a few of my observations from our trip around this city.

1.  Boston and New England are spiritually dark places - I have grown up and spent most of my ministry in the cultural "Bible belt" of the Southeast.  In this part of the country, there are churches on every corner and almost everyone you talk to is "a member" of a church somewhere and "believes" in Jesus.  Most of the time, we spend most of our ministry as church leaders trying to keep church members happy.  Most of our membership change is sheep from other pastures who decided that their former church isn't for them anymore.  In many ways, church members in the South treat church like they do restaurants they frequent.  If the service is good and the meal meets their needs, they will tip the church and come back later.  However, as soon as the service or food gets bad, they decide to search for somewhere else to dine.  In the area where I minister, we have access to thousands of people who, in reality, have no saving relationship with Christ.  We pass by them, but don't really see them because we are trying to "feed the flock."  If a church in my association has 15-20 baptisms in a year, that is mega-growth.
However, in Boston, things are much different.  In my four days there, I probably passed by three to four times more people than live in my county.  I would venture that 98% of them have no knowledge of Jesus or the gospel.  Jesus Christ is, for many of them, a punctuation to a sentence.  As I walked around the city, I could sense the spiritual oppression and the hopelessness that comes when all our hope is built in the things of this world.  The New England prides itself on being a place of cultural and religious diversity and of educational elitism.  Unfortunately, this has also created a culture that is very intolerant of the biblical message of the gospel.  The answer for the spiritual darkness Boston is finding a generation of genuine disciples of Jesus Christ that live and vocalize their faith one at a time.

2. There is hope in the midst of the darkness - One of the ironies that hit me is that this spiritual darkness hasn't always been the case here.  Boston and New England were once key hubs for the gospel in America.  Much of the First Great Awakening took place here. Jonathan Edwards and George Whitfield preached and led many in this area to Christ.  Many of the colleges that are in Boston were started as institutions for religious instruction.  Many of the framers of the early American country were men of deep faith.  We can't forget the place that Christian faith had in this area for many years. There is hope that Christ can reign again here.  I still believe that Christ is "God of this City".  During my visit, I met with a church planter named Juan Maclean.  He and 6 others planted Redemption City Church in Boston a couple of years ago.  They are living out their faith publicly and holding out the hope of the gospel.  It is slow work, but they are being faithful to the cause and God is using them.  Pray for them and for God to send more church planters to this area.  Pray for God to raise up a generation of leaders that will not measure the success of their ministry by the size of their congregation, but by their impact on a city with the gospel.

3.  The Great Commission in America necessitates that we create strategies that focus on pioneering missions and redeeming our great cities - I have been a Christian for a long time and a minister for 20 years.  During that time, I have been way too content with crumbs when I should be leading my people to fresh bread.  I have measured my success too much on creating "programs" that people like to attend instead of building "disciples" who impact my city and the world for the gospel.  Our churches spend too much money on internal programs designed to entertain and inform our people.  We have failed to call our people to sacrifice greatly to make sure that cities like Boston are being reached for the gospel.  We have churches filled with people who call themselves Christians, but have a tremendous heart problem.  Our people spend too much time and money on self-serving interests and want churches that "meet their needs".  My church has a responsibility to reach our city for Christ.  We have thousands of people in our city that are just as lost as the people of Boston.  We need to identify them, pray for them, and engage them with the gospel.  Then, we need to be sure to let everyone in our churches know that the gospel doesn't exist just for them.  It is not a self-serving venture, but a self-sacrificing one.  If we really believe that Jesus has changed us, then let's live like it.

We have way too much money spent on churches and ministries that have kept us inoculated in the South.  I am not saying that these aren't good ministries.  The problem is not the ministries our state conventions and associations have created.  The problem is that the average Christian gives less than 3% to gospel related causes.  This creates an issue where there is a huge limit on funds and everyone is fighting over the crumbs of pie left in the pan.  We should have enough money in our churches to reach our communities with the gospel AND to plant thriving gospel-centered churches in Boston, New York, Chicago, Montana, and Oregon.  We should have enough money and missional fortitude that every church in my Southern Baptist Convention should adopt and engage with one of the 6,000+ unreached people groups on our planet.  The gospel we say we believe is powerful enough that all of our churches should have water in the baptistery and people being baptized every Sunday.  We are called to "make disciples" and I think we can do much better.

I am thankful that God has graced me on a trip where I went thinking I would just watch a couple of baseball games, but instead I got a peek into a very different world.  I am grateful that God has given me the honor of being a pastor and hope that I can be faithful to his call to make disciples in my local context while leading us to engage the world for Christ. Friends, the reality of lostness is all around us.  If you live like I do in the cultural Christianity of the South, pray for God to open your heart to the reality of lostness and to shatter the safe castles that we have created that have kept us from engaging the world with the gospel.  I believe that the Father's table still has plenty of open seats available for those who are hungry.  Let's go tell them where they can find the true and lasting satisfaction for their soul.

This is the Gospel Project

I am excited about the release of a new curriculum by Lifeway called "The Gospel Project".  There has been a lot of buzz being generated for this release for several months now.  From what I have seen, it may be the best small group curriculum Lifeway has produced in a long time.  Our children's and youth ministry at SSBC is using it this fall.  A couple of our adult classes will be as well.  I would highly encourage all of our Sunday School classes and small groups to give it a try.

They showed this video at the SBC last month that gives an overview of it.

Why I Still Love Summer Camp

Last week I had a very cathartic experience.  Since 1994, I have been taking groups to summer camp almost every summer.  Sometimes they were camps that I planned.  Often they were camps that other organizations planned that I signed my group up for.  In 1998, I developed a long-standing relationship with the guys at Student Life and began sending groups to those camps.  The Student Life offices were just a few miles from my church in the Birmingham area.  I spent many days stopping by to see these guys and gals.  I made friends that I am still connected to today through social networks even though we are all scattered miles apart.

I have lost count on how many times I attended a summer camp with a group.  For a stretch, our church was sending three groups each summer; a middle school group, a high school group, and a group of leaders to help staff another camp. When I left student ministry a few years ago, I had my first camp withdrawal as we sent off students to camp and I wasn't on the bus.  That lasted about three summers until I came to Sixth Street as pastor.

In the summer of 2010, I went as pastor, chaperon, and parent to our kids camp with Student Life.  I had the pleasure of now attending as a dad with my two oldest kids, Nathan and Drew.  It was their first summer camp as well.  They had a blast and had huge spiritual lessons implanted.  I went with the kids last summer as well.  However, this summer, I retired my camp pillow and the late night ushering of kids into their rooms and let some other adults help.  However, I did sneak away from the office one afternoon to drive to camp and check in on the boys (especially son #3 "Pete"; it was his first summer camp).  I got to sing the silly songs and hang out in the cafeteria for the camp food.  It was a great time.

I reflected a lot last week driving home as to why I love and still believe in the power of summer camp. After being at probably more than 25-30 camps, I have heard most of the same sermons, sung hundreds of songs, and seen dozens of camp drama skits.  Here are a few reasons I still send kids to camp:

1.  I want to put as many gospel hooks in the water as I possibly can.  I don't think you can overemphasize the gospel or the word of God in children and student's lives.  But I certainly think you can underemphasize it.   I think as parents we take too much for granted that because our kids attend church and Sunday School that "they are learning about God."  Spiritual lessons need to be reinforced constantly and from multiple sources and angles.  I heard a lot of "God-stuff" growing up as a kid, but it wasn't until I was 17 that I truly understood my sin and need for the gospel.

2.  I want my kids to understand that their spiritual development is my first priority as a parent.  I love that my oldest son Nathan is talented and likes sports.  However, I want him to love Jesus more than I want him to be an all-star.  I want him to be more excited about going to summer camp where he can learn valuable spiritual lessons than he is about going to a baseball camp or hanging at a friends house playing video games all summer.

3.  I want to give my kids some tools in their belt now to prepare them for the war their are about to wage as teenagers.  Parents, our kids are in a battle zone.  In their preteen and teenage years, they will do heavy battle with cultural and spiritual forces that we cannot comprehend.  What are we giving them to prepare them to deal with the peer pressure, the ungodly cultural standards and norms they will face, and the mounting pressure to conform to something very unbiblical?  It saddens me every year to see parents weeping over the choices that their teenage and young adult children are making.  Often when I talk to them about how they prepared themselves and their kids spiritually when they were younger, I get blank stares and religious cliches.  Good intentions will not prepare our kids, godly gospel centered dependency will.

4.  I want my kids to see that there is a place they can be free and have fun that isn't connected to an ipod, a video game, or Disney channel.  I want them to see that the body of Christ should be a fun place defined by grace, freedom, and seeking the glory of God and not just a boring place with people older than them.

These are just a few of my thoughts about why our family sacrificed hundreds of dollars to make sure our kids went to camp.  What thoughts can you add?

Why My Kids Aren't On Facebook

Social media has revolutionized much of our communication in the last 7-8 years.  I remember when I first started hearing about "Facebook" from my college students several years ago.  Although I wasn't in college at the time, I received an invite from one of them when it was opened to non-college students and have been on ever since.  I joined Twitter in 2008 after reading about it on a blog.  For the first few months, I tweeted although everyone reading my tweets I knew absolutely nothing about.  I love to surf through my "tweeps" each day. I get links to great blogs and articles.  I have met some new friends through Twitter. I use Facebook each day to connect to family members, church members, and many old friends through the years.

However, right now my sons are not allowed on Facebook.  My oldest 2 have Twitter accounts, but they haven't really become addicted to them yet.  Now if you keep up with me on Facebook, you know that my oldest son Nathan has a FB account.  However, you will also notice that he hasn't posted anything on it for over a year.  Let me explain why?

A few years ago, my son Nathan asked me if he could get a Facebook account.  Some of his friends from the church and school were on FB and talked about it.  I talked it over with Alison and we decided that we would monitor his friends list and what he was posting.  So we signed him up for an account.  Then I had to face a decision that I later regretted.  The Facebook policies state that authorized users must at least 13 years old.  In order to enforce this policy, I had to enter in my son's birthday.  However, in order to make it work, I had to lie about my son's birthday so that Facebook would think he was at least 13.  He was 10 at the time.  Like many parents, I want my son to have the same things all his friends have.  I justified my action by the usual "all the other parents are doing the same thing" excuse. 

So, we signed him up and he began connecting online.  But I spent the next few months mulling through the actions I just committed and the lessons I was teaching my sons.  Soon after, son #2 began to ask when he could have a Facebook.  Then #3.  Every time I looked at my son's profile page, I had to live with the decision that I lied in order to let him have access.  What was I teaching my kids?

• That it's ok to lie about some things as long as it doesn't harm anyone.
• That it's ok to conform to peer pressure in some situations.
• That abiding by policies is conditional upon whether you agree with them or not.
• That if you can get away with something without getting caught it may be worth trying.

This is not the way that I want to parent.  These are not the lessons I want to teach my kids.  I don't want to model for my children "situational ethics."  I want my children to believe that the man in the pulpit is a man who practices what he preaches.  I want them to know that even though it is often hard and costly, it's always the best thing to follow what God says, even in the small things.  Lying, dishonesty, and cheating are never acceptable.

I want my life and my parenting to be modeled by God's word.  Proverbs 10:9 says "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out."  Proverbs 20:7 says "The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!"  I want my kids to walk in that blessing of my integrity.  Even if they don't understand it right now.  Even if most of their other friends are doing something different.  So, we deactivated Nathan's Facebook.  We had a talk with him about why he couldn't have a Facebook yet.  I told him I didn't agree with the policy, but it wasn't my policy.  I also asked him to forgive me for modeling for him a life characterized by lying.  He reluctantly agreed and we deactivated it.  (Now, one day I accidentally signed on as him and reactivated it. I can't remember his password, so it stayed activated, but he's not allowed on it.)

Parents, I write these things not to say that I am a better parent or that parents who let their kids get a Facebook are bad parents.  I don't think you have necessarily led your child down a road to hell just because you let your 9 year old get a Facebook.  However, I just ask you to think through what lessons you are teaching your kids and what they may retain.  How will this action affect your parenting in the future?  What grounds do you have to tell your kids not to lie if you lie for them to get a Facebook account?  Every week I get another friend invite from an under-age kid.  I know that Facebook knows it's going on and that policing age policies is not high on their priority list  Personally, I wish they would change the policy so that I can let my kids get on.  But until the policy changes, I must abide by it because in some ways, my children's integrity is at stake. 

Father Hunger - A Book Review

Recently I received a copy of the book Father Hunger: Why God Calls Men to Love and Lead their Families.  I was looking forward to this book because I thought it was an update to a book I read with the same title by Robert McGee many years ago.  However, when I received the book, I soon noticed that it was a completely different book on the same important topic.  When I first read through the Table of Contents, I thought it wouldn't be a boring read.  However, I was pleasantly surprised.  It is written along the same vein as another good book on manhood I recently read, The Masculine Mandate by Richard Phillips.

This book is a solidly biblical treatment about a major crisis in our culture - a generation that is growing up with no idea of what biblical fatherhood means.  Not only does the author, Doug Wilson, show the usual father crises - absentee fathers, disconnected fathers, etc.  He also shows that there is a disturbing dearth of understanding the biblical role and mandate of fathers.  Wilson's treatment of the biblical role of a father will sound extremely strange to many who would read it. In a culture where being a father is little more than simply engaging in the act of procreation, the concepts and responsibilities outlined by Wilson will be foreign, radical, even oppressive to some.  However, they are deeply true.  The Christ-follower who reads this book from a desire to see God honored will resonate with the truths while at the same time finding them sorely lacking in his or her own life.

Wilson shows how this absence of biblically functioning fathers affects all institutions and areas of society - churches, families, crime, education, and many others.  He uses many examples from Scripture about fathers who understood their role on a deeply personal and biblical level.  He shows how our rejection of God's word as a strong basis in our society has led to a radical realtering of families, the roles of men and women, the moral and spiritiual development of our children, and many other areas.  I found as I was reading this book a great deal of personal sadness.  Our culture is now suffering from many successive generations that have been starving of Father Hunger and it leaves me wondering if things can ever really change.  I pray by God's grace they will. 

Men, this book is hard and painful to read.  It is deep, but it is necessary.  If you are starving from your own personal father issues and want to change the future of yourself and your family, get this book.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Come Sail Away

I'm sitting in a hotel room at New Orleans Seminary getting ready to head down to the pier later today to sail away on a 5 day cruise with my wife.  I am such a blessed man.  I have a gorgeous wife who has stolen my heart.  I have four awesome sons who keep me busy but also challenge me to live for Jesus at home as well as in public.  This November, Alison and I will be celebrating 15 years together.  It literally has gone by way too fast.  I love her more today than when I first married her.  This is the first long trip we have taken together, without kids, for several years.  Thanks a ton to my mom, Mimi, for taking care of the stooges while we are gone!

Neither of us have ever been on a cruise before.  We are travelling with our friends Bill and Ginger Young.  They are celebrating 25 years of marriage.  We had a fun road trip down here yesterday and a great meal at Mother's Restaurant last night.  Afterwards, we took a walk down to the French Quarter.  It was both fascinating to see the history of the city and sad to see the decadence of Burbon Street.  Today we are about to go have breakfast at Cafe du Monde (Beignets!) and then walk through the French Market.  Then it's onto the pier and load up for the gulf and Cozumel! 

Thoughts from Staycation

Most every year my family joins my in-laws for a vacation.  Our destination of choice has usually been Panama City Beach, FL.  This year however, we decided to do a "Stay-cation" at my in-laws house in the metropolis of Decatur, AL.  It's free lodging and they have a pool!  We spent most everyday swimming, hanging around watching TV, and interspersed some shopping trips and movie trips in between.  Basically it was everything we would do at the beach minus the hot sand that sticks to your feet.  We saved lots of money and still had some great memories.  Here were a few pluses from staycation.

1. Money - It was a lot less expensive and we used some of the money we saved to eat good and go to the movies.  It was nice not having to shell out $1500 for a condo.  It was also nice not to have to constantly say "Do we have enough money for that?"
2. Memories - We built some great memories that didn't revolve around the same tourist hype we usually have to deal with.  We also made time each day for a family devotion where each member had the opportunity to share their testimony. 
3. Less Hassle - We didn't have to deal with beach road traffic, long waits at the restaurant, trying to scope out a lounge chair at the pool, or crowding 8 people in a condo.  We didn't have to worry about swimming in a pool with other people we didn't know doing things we didn't know. 

Overall, it was a great deal and one we will probably do again.  (Did I mention my in-laws have a pool?)

On Being A Dad

The last few weeks I have been preaching on topics related to family and marriage.  I really enjoy the process of trying to equip God's people to be better parents and spouses.  Maybe it's because of my 12+ years in student ministry.  During that time, I had the opportunity to see some really great and godly parents who modeled Jesus for their kids.  I also saw a large dose of parents that were practically disengaged altogether from the spiritual discipling of their children. 

On January 20th, Alison and I welcomed our fourth son, Joshua Lee, into our home.  Needless to say, the last four weeks have been quite a ride.  Sleep is sporadic.  I've consumed an inordinate amount of coffee lately.  However, I know God has provided a tremendous blessing.  I can't think of a better word in the English language than "Dad".  I often forget the blessing of that name when it has been called out 2,678 times over the course of the day.  Oftentimes, it is accompanied by a complaint about one of the other "stooges" in the house.  Scripture says "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth."  (Psalm 127:4)  God has placed within my charge four men who have the potential to change the world for the glory and gospel of Jesus Christ.  Right now, I would just like to get them to put their clothes IN the clothes basket or stop peeing on the side of the toilet.  It's hard to see gospel potential when you are staring at a yellow ooze on the floor.

I also feel privileged to be a Dad because for many years I didn't think it was going to happen.  In my 20's, I witnessed many of my friends fall in love and get married.  Life didn't seem to hold that in the cards for me.  My dating prospects after college were slim.  I did meet someone special while serving my first church.  We got engaged and planned on being married, but it didn't work out.  I spent several frustrating and disillusioned years pouring into serving the church.  I tried to fill the relational void by being the best youth pastor I could be.  Everyone said that one day I would find the right one, but by age 27, I had honestly begun to doubt completely.  I was ok if God wanted me to be single.  (but not really) 

I moved to the Birmingham area in the fall of 1996 and immediately was captured by a knock-out red-head who happened to be my boss' daughter.  We were married a year later.  I was 29.  Two years after that our first son Nathan was born.  I must admit that in Nathan's first couple of years, I was a pitiful father.  I had no idea what to do with a baby.  I didn't even like being around them.  18 months later, we had our first "surprise" child in Drew.  Having 2 children under the age of 2 was even more daunting.  However, my wife was patient with me and the Lord was gracious. 

In my ministry I have seen firsthand that we have a "dad crisis" in the church.  We have millions of children, especially sons, who are growing up with Dads who felt just as ill-equipped as I did.  Most of us want to be "better dads" than most in the culture.  The current culture has domesticated men some into being more active at home, helping with homework, teaching your son to throw a ball or catch fish.  However, I agree with Robert Lewis that in the areas that are most needed - the spiritual and social engagements of the home - most men are too passive.  We haven't been equipped in how to engage our children in spiritual conversations.  We still blindly think that quantity time is more important that quality time.  I am convinced that the church ministry models of the last 50 years have failed to adequately disciple and challenge men.  We have filled stadiums of men singing praise to God.  However, we haven't taught them how to walk with Christ and how to translate that walk everyday to their children - especially sons. 

Dads, your son needs you to teach him how to throw a baseball.  He also needs you to teach him how to pray to the Father.  Dads, you are the closest thing to the physical representation of Jesus Christ to your sons.  They already hold you as close to deity as any person on the earth.  We must learn to take great care of the arrows that God has entrusted to us.  We may only get one shot of sending them out into the great cosmic battle for God's glory.  We cannot haphazardly aim our arrows to the sky hoping it hits something.  We must take careful aim to insure that our arrows hit their intended target.  The scary truth is that my children and your children will most emulate the form of Christianity modeled by you - their dad.  They will in all likelihood learn from you, good or bad, their spiritual priorities. 

Dads, let's raise our children as spiritual champions.  Let's take up our spiritual sword of God's word and the grace of the Lord Jesus and not cower any longer to fulfilling our calling as spiritual leaders.  Let's be more concerned with their grasp of spiritual truth than we are with how far they hit the baseball.  And in the process, let's teach them to hit the baseball, and shoot the gun, and climb the trail, and cast the line, and all the other things that we have the honor of doing because we are the ones called - DAD.

Happy Birthday Andrew Scott Haines

10 years ago today, our 2nd born son came into the world.  We've always called Drew our surprise child since the announcement of his arrival was a little bit of a shock.  When we found out we were pregnant, we still had a 8-month old in the house and weren't planning any more for a couple of years.  Drew has been full of surprises and excitement ever since. 

The first sign that life with Drew would not be dull came on the day of his birth.  We checked into the hospital the night before to prepare for his arrival.  As they began to prep Alison to give birth the next morning, it looked like it would be several hours before he arrived.  My mother was in town taking care of Nathan.  We decided that I should go home to get a shower and help my mom get Nathan to his Mother's Day Out program since she didn't know where to go.  On the way to the church to drop off Nathan, I got a call from my wife.  She said in a crying voice "Matt, Hurry!"  I immediately sped to the hospital with my mom in the car behind me wondering why we were going to the hospital instead of the church.  I ran up to the second floor of the hospital to be greeted by nurses putting a gown, hospital mask, hood, and booties on me.  I saw them wheeling my wife into the operating room.  The nurse explained to me that the baby's heart rate had dropped and it appeared that while he was moving, he collapsed on his cord.  They were rushing my wife for an emergency C-section!  A few moments later they came and got me and told me to come see my son.  I walked by my wife who was now under sedation and the doctors working on putting her back together.  That's when I first saw the face of Andrew.

As already stated, life with Drew is never dull.  For the first couple of years, Drew had acid reflux.  He would randomly be looking at you and then he would hiccup and spit up all his formula on you.  We always knew who the nursery workers were in Drew's class at church by the white stains on their shoulders.  We call Drew our carnivore because he loves meat.  I mean loves meat.  He recently ate a 16-ounce sirloin.  I could barely finish it.  He often walks through the house gnawing on a piece of steak or bacon left over.  Drew also loves pictures.  He loves to take pictures and he loves to have his picture taken.  At our Disney trip, he wanted his picture made separate with every character.  We had about 600 pictures and about 200 of them were of him or made by him.

Drew is many times the most headstrong of our kids.  We have had some historic battles of the will with him.  For a while, Drew was obsessive that his clothes always matched.  Battles would be fought each morning about whether his pants and shirt were acceptable.  He also was obsessive about his hair at one time and wouldn't let us cut it.  Eventually it looked like a frayed, industrial-size mop.  Drew once got in a argument with another kid about a video game and the kid hit him in the mouth with a controller.  This resulted in partially knocking his tooth loose.  Eventually, he hit the same tooth on the faucet in the tub so that it stuck out his mouth in a 90-degree angle.  Another evidence of Drew's strong will is that he always has some kind of verbal outburst whenever corrected.  I have told Drew often that what gets him in trouble is usually not his action, but his reaction to us whenever we corrected him. 

At the same time, Drew often shows us some of the most tender moments of love.  He will often come and lay his head on my shoulder.  Every night we have the same routine.  I tuck him in and say a prayer.  As I am walking out Drew will say "I love you" and I will answer "I love you, too."  Then he will say "Goodnight" and I will say "Goodnight."  Every night.  He never goes to sleep without that routine.  He will call me when I am out of town at bedtime because the routine is broken.  Drew has taught Alison and me a lot about patience and love without conditions.  I feel extremely blessed to be his dad.  I am overwhelmed to know that the next 10 years will go by as quick as the last 10.  There will be many more prayers and opportunities to see what God is going to do with Drew next.  All I can say is "Buckle Up".

Happy Birthday Drew!  I love you, I believe in you, and I am proud of you.

Welcome to the world Joshua Lee

Yesterday was a historic day in the Haines' household.  We were honored and excited about the birth of our fourth son - Joshua Lee Haines.  To God's glory, he is healthy and measures in at 8 lbs, 8 oz.  He was born at 7:56 am.  This was Alison's third c-section so his arrival was a little better scheduled.  We were surrounded by our family.  Josh had lots of arms to hold him throughout the day.  We were especially surprised by how excited and helpful Josh's oldest brother Nathan has been.  Nathan spent all day watching over him, changed a diaper, and held him a lot.  Drew and John David are also very excited that their little brother is here.

We believe that Josh is going to be a special baby in a lot of ways.  First of all, his announcement was certainly a surprise.  Alison and I had finally gotten into the routine of having all our kids in public school.  Our days were to be filled with baseball and legos and not diapers and poop.  Our house is usually very loud, but now that volume will be filled with the cries of an infant.  Alison and I talked the other day that beginning with my first-born until my third, John David, was finally potty-trained, we had over 8 years where we had diaper duties.  Our monthly budget had some freedom without the added $40/month expense for diapers.  Not so now.

We also find humor in the age difference now in the kids in the house.  Our other kids are 11, 10, and 6.  When this son graduates from high school, his dad will be 60 years old.  My friend Jason said yesterday that is classmates will say, "Why is your grandad always bringing you here?"  When Josh is my oldest son's age (11), Nathan will be graduated from college.  Our hopes for an empty nest with some personal time have been delayed for some time.  However, we also know and affirm that our first calling here as parents is not to get the kids out of the house ASAP, but to raise our sons as ambassadors of the gospel.  God has given us another chance to model the gospel through our words and actions. 

Joshua is also a reminder to us that our sovereign God gives us the gift of children.  While we do a lot with family planning, God is the one who provides for us.  Psalm 127 reads, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."  We know that the immediate future will be filled with sleep-deprived nights, diaper duties, and the constant question "Who missed the toilet when they were peeing?"  We also know that God has rewarded us with great opportunities.  There are great challenges every day to parenting 4 boys.  Their rooms are never clean.  They crunch chips all over the couch. 

Psalm 127 also reads, "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children of one's youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them."  God has given me another arrow in the arsenal of the gospel.  I am humbled that he considers me a warrior trustworthy enough for another arrow.  There were many days of my youth where I wondered if I would have a family or sons as my heritage.  God has provided to his glory!  One of my goals and challenges as a pastor and Christ-follower is to help men to understand the weight and privilege of their gospel responsibility as dads.  The epidemic of detached dads in the church has weakened our effectiveness.  I love throwing catch or shooting hoops with my boys.  However, my first responsibility is not to make sure they bat .400 or can throw a perfect spiral.  My first priority is not teaching them how to land a trophy buck.  My first priority is to nurture these arrows until they are ready to fight in the battle and then carefully aim and release them into the world as agents of the gospel.  It is a heavy task and one that almost every man feels inadequate at.  However, an arrow that misses its target and lies shattered on the battlefield has missed it's purpose.  I take pride in the fact that the heavenly Father has now handed me another arrow.  It will take some time to nurture Josh.  I have to remember these facts when I reach down for another diaper.  I have to constantly quote these verses when I am cleaning food off the floor.  But, I am grateful...

The Dad Life

Someone showed me this funny video today that was produced by Church on the Move in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  It is so close to accurate that it hurts.  Hope you enjoy...


Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

Proud Dad

Please permit me to brag a little on my first-born son Nathan. He stepped up and tried his first solo in church as part of our children's musical. Way to go buddy! Proud of you for glorifying the Lord Jesus.

The Gift of Death

One year ago yesterday, my grandmother and the matriarch of our family, Alice McGahey, went home to heaven. I don't say that she went to heaven flippantly. I do not say she went to heaven just because she was a good person, which she was. Most everyone I know believes that the people that they loved so much on earth are in heaven. Most of the time this is based on the goodness they saw in the person. However, goodness does not get you into heaven, grace does. I know my grandmother is in heaven because she lived a life of grace. She loved the Lord Jesus. She loved to read about him in the Bible. She loved to hear good preaching about him. She loved to sing about him when she played her organ. My grandmother was the closest thing to a saint I have ever met this side of heaven.

However, my grandmother, just like everyone else on earth, had a sickness. She inherited a deadly virus at birth that affected her for many years. It came through the bloodline to her ancestors Adam and Eve. That virus is called sin. I don't know when my grandmother first became fully aware of her sin virus. However, like everyone else, her only cure was the grace poured out on Calvary by Jesus. My grandmother embraced that cross and received forgiveness for her sin.

We called her Mama Alice. My grandfather was Daddy Bert. They were two of the biggest influences on my life. Daddy Bert was a pilot in WWII and loved to fly. He took me to play golf the first time. He was a quiet man, but loved his grandsons. Mama Alice was a hard worker. For many years she sold Amway. Dozens of people knew her from that. Later on, she went to work at a jewelry store in the mall. She worked many nights until 9:00 PM and didn't get home till late. She was the best cook I have ever known. She first taught me that scrambled eggs taste better with cheese. She made a Chicken Casserole that tasted like manna from heaven. She knew how to make the most tender roast beef I ever tasted. And Thanksgiving was a celebration and feast like none other. Nothing in the world could compare to her cornbread dressing.

My grandfather died almost 20 years ago. After that, my grandmother continued to be the centerpiece of our family although she lost her soul-mate. Mama Alice had always been a frail lady, prone to bruising easily. The fingers on her hands began to twist up from arthritis. In her later years, she had to go on a full-time oxygen tube and her mobility was much more limited. She had a hard time keeping her weight up. She became dependent on others to bathe her and help her get dressed. Eventually, we had to make the difficult decision to put her in a nursing home. However, she never lost her sass or her determination to live. She continued to give it to me when I would come home and I continued to give it right back to her. As she lay in the hospital in her last days, she said to me "Don't stand over me." I replied, "I drove here from Birmingham and I will stand wherever I want." She didn't want people to fuss over her until the end.

On March 29, 2009, God gave my Mama Alice and our family a great gift when in his mercy he healed her suffering by taking her to her heavenly home. Death was a welcome gift for us. It was great comfort to see her no longer suffering in the fleshy tent that she occupied. There was no doubt in any of us that her body had been deserted and she was home with her Savior. The Bible says, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." (Psalm 116:15) God has given us a gracious doorway from the sin and stain of this world. God has given us a pathway that is free from cancer, oxygen tubes, disease, and suffering. However, that path is not on this side of eternity.

The doorway of death has two destinations. One is eternally free from suffering and sin and leads to the presence of the father. The other destination is infinite increase in suffering and torment. Both are eternal destinies from which there is no going back. Once you step through the doorway of death, your ticket is punched and there is no turning back. The question is, which destiny will your door lead? Good intentions, good works, really liking Jesus will not suffice. One day many years ago Alice McGahey looked upon a blood-soaked, sin-bearing, carpenter from Galilee and placed her complete faith in him to pay her sin ransom. Have you?

Book Review - The Well-Behaved Child

Well, I am finally able to catch up some on my much neglected blog and get some things I have been trying to get to finally done. Several weeks ago, I received a copy of John Rosemond's book "The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works" to review for my blog. I was especially interested in this book because I have three boys at my house that we affectionately call "Hurricane Haines". Since our move to our new home, we have seen more discipline challenges with our boys and many days we have wanted to pull our hair out. My 10-year old is quickly developing selective hearing and a pre-teen attitude. My 8-year old is quite the dramatic one. Even my 5-year old has begun to lie more than usual when he does something wrong.

Rosemond's book was a very easy and encouraging read. It's obvious that he has been working through his techniques for many years. By his own admission, this book is a compilation of his parenting seminars that he has been giving. It's called a "workshop in a book." Rosemond's advice is full of very practical, helpful advice. It's obvious from his stories and the opening chapter that we have an entire generation of parents that have no idea how to parent or discipline because they never had positive, corrective discipline modeled for them by their parents. One doesn't have to look far to see the disastrous situation that our children are growing up in today's society. Rosemond sets down the tone and direction of the book in the first chapter when he answers the question "Why do children misbehave?" Pulling no punches and trying not to be politically correct, Rosemond answers "Because children are bad." He convincingly shows us that it is our job as parents to take these bad children and teach them what is expected of them in life. Rosemond shows a great deal of understanding about sin and its nature in children. Without being too preachy, he shows how children are living out their sin nature and it's consequences. It's a refreshing voice that immediately put me on his side and ready to hear his answers.

Rosemond's book is divided into 5 sections, each offering seven topics. These include "Seven Fundamentals of Effective Discipline," "Seven Essential Tools," "Top Seven Behavior Problems of all Time...Solved," and "Seven Tales of the Strange and Unexpected." Rosemond's advice is biblically sound, honest, and drawn from real-life, pragmatic examples of families he has used these techniques in, including his own. His seven tools are very practical and doable. They also help put the authority back into the hands of the parents instead on in the children. I have tried to institute some of the techniques with my kids and seem some success. Alison and I will be going through this book together to put many of these plans in place.

I highly recommend "The Well-Behaved Child" to any and all parents in my church as well as my friends and family. Read it before it's too late!

This book was provided for review by Thomas Nelson Publishers

Happy Anniversary Baby, I Got You On My Mind

Twelve years ago today I finally found a mate and took the plunge with my life-partner Alison. She was an answer to many years of prayer and searching. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that she was for me. She has been a faithful wife, partner in ministry, and keeps me grounded and balanced. She has been a major part of my new ministry in Alexander City and has seemed to have a lot more joy being a pastor's wife here. This last year has seen a major move for our family, a trip to Disneyworld, the loss of my grandmother, and our youngest son John David starting public school. We've also had Drew's Upward basketball and Nathan's great baseball season. It's been a good year though. Happy Anniversary Alison. I love you.

We celebrated our anniversary by closing on our new home in Alex City on Friday. We're having it painted and cleaned up this week and hope to move in Thursday.

Family Disney Vacation Report - Part 2

Here's some more info on the recent Haines' vacation. On our third day we went to Hollywood Studios. Our first stop was a jump on the Tower of Terror for Alison, Nathan and Drew then a jump on the Rock n Roller Coaster. Later on I got to ride both of these with the boys. The Tower of Terror takes you up about 10 stories and then drops you suddenly, picks you back up, drops you again, and so on and so on. The Rock n Roller Coaster takes you on a ride from 0 to 60 in 2.8 seconds, then it takes you in a loop and on a fast ride through twist and turns. Drew and I rode it twice!

One of the highlights of Hollywood Studios was the animation studio. Nathan, Drew and Alison got to take a drawing class with one of the Disney animators. Another great ride was the Toy Story Mania 3D ride where you go through a fun shooting gallery throwing pies, balls, darts, etc. We also got to see the Indiana Jones Stunt Show which Nathan liked a lot.

The trip to Hollywood Studios ended early so that we could prepare for the Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party that night. We staked out our spot right in front of Cinderella's Castle about 5. Alison did some shopping and the boys and I rode a few rides and waited on the Christmas show. It was full of singing and Christmas magic. The parade was awesome and colorful. They even had "snow" coming off the roofs on Main Street. We didn't get back to the room till late and slept in a little the next morning.

The fourth day we made our trip to the Animal Kingdom. Highlights of it included "It's Tough to Be a Bug" - a 3D show about being a bug that encompases the audience. Lots of fun. We also went through an animal exhibit and a bird sanctuary. Alison and Nathan rode Everest - the big roller coaster. It had an 80-foot drop. We rode a couple of other ride, but we left Animal Kingdom early. That night we went to a Polynesian Luau. Awesome food. Ribs, Chicken, Pineapple, rice, and cool dancing.

More cool pics:

Family Disney Vacation Report, Part 1

Alright, it's been a long time coming, but here is some pictures and reports from our trip to Disney. We arrived at the Disney complex about 10:00 on Sunday, November 30 to find our room was already ready (very pleasant surprise!). We dropped our stuff off at the room, got our tickets, and headed off for Day 1 at EPCOT. EPCOT was first because TourGuideMike.com said it would be a low crowd day there. The kids had no idea what to look for. When we passed by a hotel, John David said "Is that DisneyWorld?"

We entered through the gates wide-eyed and staring at the giant Spaceship Earth that symbolizes EPCOT. We moved quickly thoughout the day to the space simulator, Mission: Space, to the Test Track that sends you around curves at 60 mph, and to Soarin' that sends you up to an IMAX screen giving you the sensation of hang gliding. We also saw the 3D show "Honey I shrunk the audience" which scared John David. Loud noises and his first experience of things jumping at you in 3D.

The only downer the first day is that it rained most of the day and soaked us and our shoes. We left for a couple of hours to go back to the room and change clothes. When we got back to EPCOT, the Christmas lights were turned on. WOW! We went to the Mexico pavilion and then a couple of other world showcase exhibits. We had an awesome dinner at the San Angel Inn and then watched the fireworks show. It was probably the best fireworks show I had ever seen. All in all, great first day to the week despite the rain.

Day 2 brought our first trip to the Magic Kingdom. We hit the Pirates of the Caribbean and Magic Carpets of Aladdin early. Crowds were really low and the wait was seldom more than 10-15 minutes. We also hit the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and Splash Mountain. Those two rides were probably the kids' favorites all week. We did some rides in Tomorrowland and then had a character dinner at Crystal Palace with Pooh, Tigger, Eyore, and Piglet. That afternoon we hit the rest of the rides we missed including Space Mountain and the Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor. We truly had a magical first couple of days. We were tired when we left that night though.

Here are some pictures of the first couple of days:










John David got called up on stage to participate in a game.










Drew was amazed at how small the food was and said "Honey I Shrunk the Flauta"










Mom and Nathan on the Magic Carpets of Aladdin










Dinner with Tigger










Hanging in front of the castle decorated for Christmas

Some Pictures from Baseball and Soccer

Here are a few pics from this year's baseball and soccer season. All-stars has ended and we've closed the book on the 2008 season. Nathan had a good year, batting .730 in the regular season. He's now ready to start football.

Drew played soccer for the first time and enjoyed it. He wants to look at Basketball in the future and maybe give baseball another chance.

Enjoy the photos.